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Deep Well.

This is a multi-faceted world, where shadows of the past linger in the windows of the mind, building possibilities based in rhetoric. I walk through my world half in and half out of my mind. I see the mind as an endless well with tunnels flowing down, like water, ebbing away at the brick and dirt, collecting and forming new possibilities.

I feel some form of deep conflict in myself, I have always striven to do what will make me the better person, but in the end the only one who cares what kind of person I am is me. So self obsessed we wander around, depressed, portraying a version of ourselves untrue to the mind beneath. Shallow victims to our own standards with an inability to let go and listen wholeheartedly to another human being. Waiting to speak, impressing no one and everyone, creating a fragile persona that is truly futile.

I have a self loathing problem. Oops. I know what I am and I can not deal with my inability to act the way I am inclined, like I am showing a weak, manipulative figment of myself. And I am so exhausted with talking about uselessness; material possessions, internet, ignorant television. Don’t worry I know I sound superior, unintentional I promise. I dig on some tv,  stories, and movies, but how can you turn off your brain and become a consumer of this mindless programming.

Self loathing coupled with guilt I think. That is where my conflict lies, being dependent and comfortable in a place where I want to reach out and turn off all the power, shake someone awake and inspire them to have a fucking conversation while looking in someone’s eyes and really connecting. And I can’t, I am submissive, I am smartphone, I am facebook, I am gmail because of convenience, contentment, business and ease. Just another sheep.

Who am I to reap the benefits while better people suffer in our world. What have I done for the world, how can a selfish artist drop the fucking act and change the world in a positive way. When will this pessimism ebb away to peace of mind.

These entries are happening because I have reached a bridge in my life where my subconscious seems to be over taking me. Dreams and inner thoughts are leaking out. Hope I don’t sound too crazy.

Welcome.

And there will be contradictions.

Every moment lived is more like a moment thought of. Only you remember it, especially if it is particularly unimportant. It makes obsessing over actions and conversations seem completely irrelevant . Anxiety will be something ever relevant in my life, and I hope many people are able to not cope, but understand it. It is the worrying without end, maybe the transfixed attention on a minor detail. Forever I will promise to flip it into a positive situation, and not compromise piece of mind, it is like being two people, one feigning  comfortability, the other shouting warnings in plain sight. Forever and always I will be laid back while panicking, relaxed while aggravated and tired while wide awake. A contradiction, if this was new maybe I would be worried, but after all I am always relaxed, and concerned… 

victongai:

New Prints and Holiday Sale!
Victo Ngai
Just in time for X’mas! New limited and open edition Giclee prints are available now at my store. 
Selected items are on sale. Enter code XMAS2012 (50 limited) at check out for 10% off entire purchase.
Reblog this to win a free print - 5 winners will be chosen at random and announced on Fri Dec 7 2012. 
All limited editions are one-run only, get it before they are sold out! 
Zoom Info
victongai:

New Prints and Holiday Sale!
Victo Ngai
Just in time for X’mas! New limited and open edition Giclee prints are available now at my store. 
Selected items are on sale. Enter code XMAS2012 (50 limited) at check out for 10% off entire purchase.
Reblog this to win a free print - 5 winners will be chosen at random and announced on Fri Dec 7 2012. 
All limited editions are one-run only, get it before they are sold out! 
Zoom Info
victongai:

New Prints and Holiday Sale!
Victo Ngai
Just in time for X’mas! New limited and open edition Giclee prints are available now at my store. 
Selected items are on sale. Enter code XMAS2012 (50 limited) at check out for 10% off entire purchase.
Reblog this to win a free print - 5 winners will be chosen at random and announced on Fri Dec 7 2012. 
All limited editions are one-run only, get it before they are sold out! 
Zoom Info
victongai:

New Prints and Holiday Sale!
Victo Ngai
Just in time for X’mas! New limited and open edition Giclee prints are available now at my store. 
Selected items are on sale. Enter code XMAS2012 (50 limited) at check out for 10% off entire purchase.
Reblog this to win a free print - 5 winners will be chosen at random and announced on Fri Dec 7 2012. 
All limited editions are one-run only, get it before they are sold out! 
Zoom Info
victongai:

New Prints and Holiday Sale!
Victo Ngai
Just in time for X’mas! New limited and open edition Giclee prints are available now at my store. 
Selected items are on sale. Enter code XMAS2012 (50 limited) at check out for 10% off entire purchase.
Reblog this to win a free print - 5 winners will be chosen at random and announced on Fri Dec 7 2012. 
All limited editions are one-run only, get it before they are sold out! 
Zoom Info
victongai:

New Prints and Holiday Sale!
Victo Ngai
Just in time for X’mas! New limited and open edition Giclee prints are available now at my store. 
Selected items are on sale. Enter code XMAS2012 (50 limited) at check out for 10% off entire purchase.
Reblog this to win a free print - 5 winners will be chosen at random and announced on Fri Dec 7 2012. 
All limited editions are one-run only, get it before they are sold out! 
Zoom Info

victongai:

New Prints and Holiday Sale!

Victo Ngai

Just in time for X’mas! New limited and open edition Giclee prints are available now at my store

Selected items are on sale. Enter code XMAS2012 (50 limited) at check out for 10% off entire purchase.

Reblog this to win a free print - 5 winners will be chosen at random and announced on Fri Dec 7 2012. 

All limited editions are one-run only, get it before they are sold out! 

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